


In Case I Don't Live Forever

by itsapalace



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Number Twelve Grimmauld Place, Sad, Sirius Black & James Potter Friendship, Songfic, The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, TikTok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:35:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26689762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsapalace/pseuds/itsapalace
Summary: In case I don't live forever let me tell you know: I love you more than you'll ever wrap your head around. In case we don't live forever; let me tell you the truth: I'm everything I am because of you.Sirius Black never thought he'd live through the summer. When things get really bad at home, he's sure he's about to die. It's a good thing James left the two way mirror so he can tell his best mate how much he means to him.*Sirius doesn't actually die.
Relationships: Sirius Black & James Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 45





	In Case I Don't Live Forever

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone!  
> This fic is based off a TikTok post by @illariacosplays. She is the best Sirius Black cosplayer I have ever seen and posts a lot of Wolfstar Content. Seriously, she's the best. Go check her out.
> 
> Also inspired by the song: I You Don't Live Forever by Ben Platt
> 
> Please enjoy!

Sirius didn't think he would make it through the summer. 

Life at home had always been hard. Their parents were always aggressive toward himself and Reg. Almost his entire life had been a patchwork of rebellion, anger, and pain. He never thought it could get any worse than yelling and the occasional missed meal. Maybe with a side of often telling Sirius hoe insignificant he was. This summer had been the worst by far.

I had started off pretty normal.Sirius had gotten off the Hogwarts Express and given each of his friends a hug goodbye. (And Moony a kiss on the keek because he’s special). Then he approached the person who birthed him. Walburga was standing by the railings like a pillar: straight as a board and expressionless. Except for her eyes. The all too familiar silver iris’ swam with anger and loathing. The second he got close enough, her hand reached out from under her ink black robes and gripped his forearm. That was when he realized he’d entered the seventh or hell. 

As they entered the Grand Hall, Sirius immediately felt the cold wash over him. The kind he had always associated with Grimmauld Place. With it’s black walls, books on dark magic filling the shelves, and illegal artifacts that had always made the house fill more like a museum than a home. Loveless, Quiet, and cold.

Sirius never thought he'd miss the quiet until it got filled with screams. 

“Go change out of that horrid uniform and go meet your father in his study.” his mother spat; letting go of his arm now, bruises already forming in place of her pale fingers.  
“Yes mother, “ Sirius said- cloaking his fear better than James’ invisibility cloak. Nothing good ever came out of a visit to his fathers’ study.

Sure enough, when Sirius entered the office his father was sitting behind his desk with his fingers curled into each other. His desk was always meticulously organized, and there was never a singer feather quill out of place. Upon seeing his son, Orion Black rose from his mahogany chair.  
“Sirius, “ his father said, “do you know of Voldemort?”  
Sirius bit back a scoff- of course he did. It was all the newspapers could talk about these days. ‘Eight Muggles murdered by the hand of Lord Voldemort’, ‘Voldemort is gaining more followers’ , etc.  
“Yeah.” he replied  
“Well the Blacks have decided as a family to join him. The Dark Lord will help make the Wizarding World great again.”  
Sirius gaped. He could practically see the headlines: ‘Bigoted Black family joins Voldemort's causes’.  
“And,” Orion continued, “If you’re to join us; you'll need some new schooling.”  
He shook his head hysterically and started to make a run towards the office door, but his father was faster. He pulled out his wand and sealed the door shut. Sirius pounded on it but there was no hope- he was trapped.

~oOo~

After about a month the torture had become almost routine. His mother would wake him up in the morning and force him into his father’s office. His father would try and teach him about some new dark magic or horrible bigoted beliefs. About how useless muggleborns are and how they didn’t deserve magic. And about the superiority of Pureblood wizards. The more he refused- the worse the punishment. 

So far, Sirius had a black eye, bruises on his cheeks, neck, and sides, hadn’t eaten in three days, and had his owl privileges revoked. He thinks they expected him to break. But Sirius Black was a Griffindor, he was a Marauder, Sirius Black doesn’t give up.

It was scary how close he got sometimes. Some nights, when he was laying in bed and fingering the fresh bruises on his face the only thing that kept him going was the thought of his friends. James Potter who never stopped talking and whose hair was always a mess even though he was literally the heir to a hair potion fortune. James Potter who loved harder than anyone he’s ever met. Remus Lupin who was a werewolf and who always wore over-sized sweaters that smelled like chocolate. Remus Lupin who was always there to lend you strength. Peter Pettigrew who helped him with Herbology and was always down for a good prank. Peter Pettigrew who gave the best hugs. The Marauders. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs. 

One day, about twelve days into summer, instead of his fathers’ office he was dragged kicking and screaming to the Black’s Grand Dining Room. What he saw would haunt his dreams for years to come. A muggle man lay ties up in a dining room chair. He was unconscious and his temple was bleeding heavily. 

“Oh Sirius, “ Walburga Black said, “I want you to kill the filthy Mudblood.”

For a second, Sirius just froze. All he could see was the wedding ring on the man’s finger. He has a partner, he thinks, He probably had friend’s too. A family. A life. I can’t be the one to that away.  
“No.” Sirius states. He wants to try and run but his parents are blocking the doorway.  
“Well then, I suppose you leave us no choice.” His mother raised her wand to his chest and he feels someone grab his shoulders. He tries to fight but his fathers’ grip is like iron.  
Then his mother shouts the word, “ !” and all he can register is the pain.

Somehow, Sirius is able to rip away and race upstairs in a daze of pain. He’s not sure how many times his mother used the spell on him but his legs feel like jelly and his head is full of wool. He was sure he was going to die. Like any second his life force would drain out of him and there would be no more Sirius Black. Fumbling, he reached under his mattress and pulled out the ornate mirror James had given him so they could communicate over the summer. If Sirius was going to die he wanted his last words to be with James.  
He slid down the door, acting as a human barricade. He could still hear yelling from downstairs. It was getting closer by the second. He pulled the mirror to his face. In the reflection, Sirius could see the weeks worth of tear tracks down his cheeks and the water threatening to spill over even more. His hair is tangled and frizzy, and the bruises out vividly against his pale cheeks. 

He tapped the glass and the familiar face of his best mate shimmered into view. Sirius was crying now. Wet, heartbroken sobs.  
“Pads! Is that you? Are you alright?” James said frantically. Sirius took a deep breath.  
“In case I don’t live forever let me tell you now.”

“Are those bruises on your face?!? What’s going on?”

“I love you more than you’ll ever wrap your head around.”

“Why does it sound like you’re saying goodbye?!?”

“In case I don’t live forever, can I tell you the truth?!?!”

“Stay with me Padfoot!” James was crying too now. 

“I’m everything I am; because of you.”


End file.
